Well, that was a long break......seriously, where does time go.  I sort of forgot about the blog.....now I need to figure this stuff out.  I viewed a friends and I am totally jealous.  I want to add cool stuff to this.....that requires me to read and figure it out.  In time.....right now, I have a computer about to die on me and Brady waking up. 
I just had a thought in my head and thought I would write about it.....it's really not much. 
I was wondering how most women feel after they have breastfed and suddenly aren't producing enough.  I feel like I have done something wrong.  I now have no milk left and I feel horrible.  I really wanted to do this longer!!  I am so depressed right now....I have cried about it.  I just feel like I am missing out on the bonding experience....I feel empty.  Is this normal?  I just love my little boy so much and don't want him to go without....and I guess I am a little selfish, because I don't want to go without either.  I don't want to do anything wrong.  I feel like I have, somehow!  I feel guilty. 
I came to the realization just a few minutes ago, that last night was my last feeding with him.....I don't want it to be, but I have no choice!  I guess this is just another step in motherhood, but I really am depressed about this.  I know that I more then likely won't have another baby and that makes me so sad right now but I loved breastfeeding.....I felt such a bond with him.....skin to skin, his little fingers and hands touching my hand, me massaging his arm while we fed.....This SUCKS!!!  I know I can hold him and massage him, etc. anytime, but this was different.  It was so calming and personal.  It's unlike anything I have ever experienced.  I miss it so much and it's only been a day!  Wish me luck at getting over this hurdle.